Depression Pt.1

I know that I am having depression. But, I am not allowed to talk about it infront of my family just because they'll immediately judge. They'll most definitely say that it was just a drama, and I'll get over it soon. I was raised from a family where a member is expected not to have any issues mentally and psychologically. For example, when someone broke your heart, you are not allowed to cry but instead immediately forget about the person and make sure to let the person that you're far better without him/her in your life. But, I wasn't like that and it made me feel different from the rest of the family. They have called me names and judgement is everyday. At times, I still get offended but at the end of the day there wasn't really any choice but to go by their judgement.

I have friends who understands me, as much as they can. But I have to keep in mind that they have life of their own and I can't spend too much of our time together ranting how much I am being drained by my depression. So when I'm with my friends, there's no room for any emotional negativity just because I don't want them to absorb any of mine.

Basically, all I have with this depression is myself. It was harder this way since I don't know where to start curing myself. I used to workout everyday, which I no longer do now just because I have so much excuses. I know workout will be one of those things that can cure me, I will get back, I know. I just need to find courage and time again. I also try put myself back to my favorite hobby, which are the dolls. But when I was just starting again, the spark is immediately loosing. There's just so much about my depression that keeps me from being the best that I want to be. I am pretty much stuck up from where I am right now. Things won't always be as hard as what I am going through right now, I believe. There's just too much fear in me on what might happened if I just let the depression took over my life.