Divisoria December Haul

I was talking to a friend about how bad I wanted to get a new pair of a "bulky" sandals. The pair I had already broke,which broke a part of my heart since I am not sure if I'll get to see something like it again or something I'll like locally.

I am very picky with my shoes. No matter how it look, as long as I want it, I don't care. For some reason, I like bulky shoes. I have wide feet, so I guess it was just never meant for me to wear sexy shoes and it was never comfortable for me either. Sticking to sneaker, creepers and wedges!

Last week my mum asked me if we can go to Divisoria because she wants to get stuff for Christmas. I want to but at the same time too lazy about the idea since we're commuting and there are gazillions of people there for sure. But I still said yes, since there might no chance to go there anymore these season.

When we arrived at Divisoria, the number of people and sellers on the street is just overwhelming. Instead of walking the usual path we take, I rerouted to the new mall named 999. I took the opportunity to find the store where I bought my Oxford Creepers 6 months ago. Luckily, I found it but sadly, the pair I wanted doesn't have my size anymore. I almost gave up, no more sizes for the designs I like. BTW, the store I am talking about sells Korean fashion inspired shoes. Their shoe designs are easy to pair up with with the clothes I already have.

Anyhow. I was able to buy 2 pair of sandals. Bulky sandals as I want to address them.

Here's my first find;

It comes in 3 different colors which made it so hard for me to decide. There's Pink, Mustard and the one I got, Blue. Pink is my current favorite color because I can pair it easily with my dresses but then Mustard is a neutral color and Blue would match mostly of my casual clothing. It took me awhile to finally decided to get the blue one.

I like how comfort of wearing it since the straps are skin friendly and it's actually soft. But I tripped like 4 times when I last wore it. I won't wear this if I know I'm doing a lot of walking.


Now to my 2nd and favorite find;

I ALMOST missed these lovely babies. I am considered of not getting the pair since it may be too much for the eyes of my co-commuters. My work place is very near from my place, it's not practical to even take a cab for a very short ride and so I always ride out local Jeepneys. I tried on the ones on display and I just can't say no. The color compliments my skin tone very well and given the fact that I am a big girl, it does compliment my size too. It doesn't look over rated on me.

Compare to the blue sandals I got, I never tripped with this yellow babies. Considering it stands higher. I can wear this all day long and walk with it. I also like the fact that it has too many strap because though it's not to tight on my feet, it never felt like it'll take off or disposition.

Overall, I'm happy with my shoe haul. FYI, I didn't buy anything anymore considering I have an allotted budget for our trip to Divisoria.

We've survived the day but it was really really tiring. I don't know if I'll go back anytime soon in Divisoria. Who knows ;)

A Year Without Weekend

My line of work is an 8-hour stress because of escalations, reports and supervisory calls. Though, once I get up that chair, my work is done. I don't have any take home reports and I don't really need to worry anything about work when I'm out of the office. But since I'm all stressed out during work hours, all I do when I get home is sleep. I only get to relax for real is during my 2-day off which happens to be Wednesday and Thursday, and my friends happens to have a weekend rest days. Life is sweet.

As I always say, the work load is fine. At the end of the day, I will still go home. If there's something/s that needs to be address immediately, which I am not able to touch, I can always endorse it to the next supervisor on duty. What particularly stress me out is working with people who doesn't seem to care about you as their team mate or just plain co-worker. As much as I can, I will go to work because there are just so much in line if I don't report even just for a day. I really hate getting to work late. The feeling is like staining your plain white shirt which wouldn't come off no matter what you do. Unfortunately, there are just people who takes advantage of me, knowing that I always report to work. I will not go into details, I still have respect them as my co-workers and as a person.

So, I decided to have a 2-day leave from work. I don't have any particular plan for my leave but just basically forget about work and just relax. It's not enough, I know but it's as much as I can have for now.

I asked my friends from high school if we could hang out few days after finding out that my leave was approved. I wasn't able to get as much response as I want but I know I'll still be able to go out with a few of them.

Saturday came and 2 of my girl friends committed to have our nails done. We weren't able to get the ultimate spa we originally wanted because 2 of our friends came earlier and we don't want them waiting for us too long. After getting our nails done, the 5 of us had dinner to a newly opened Turkish restaurant in Tiendesitas. I am not very pleased with how they serve the food, they prepare everything for you. All you need to do is just take a bite which I am not a fan of. I still prefer the traditional way of how a kebab is served. The sauce is watery like which adds to how I hated how the food was served. And, nope I am not making a restaurant review. Nope.

After dinner, there's just too much plan. I need to go to the office for a quick errand, meet up with Sander and meet our friends again. J.O needs to attend her rehearsal for 2 hours. Jochelle and Luis needs to change clothes and pick up RL and BM. So, we decided to split up and meet again after 2 hours. We did. We had a drink at our favorite bar in Metrowalk called Grill Republic. We like it there because it's cozier compare to the other bars around and the music is so our genre. Not everyone was able to come, my best friend wasn't able to go, but that's fine. I still had a good laugh and a very fun night with a couple of friends.

One of my friends, Jochelle, is too sleepy to function after 3 hours of drinking, laughing and the what not. They have attended a wedding earlier the day and as I mentioned awhile ago, we had to go through so much before drinking. She wants to call it a night around 12-ish but her cousin, J.O, refused to go home and still wants to drink. I wanted to eat. We all agreed that Luis and Joch will go home and Lei, Jobet, J.O and I will stay. Metrowalk is a one big drinking place. It's not a place for eating, I won't enjoy eating seeing bottles of beers around. Lei likes to have noodle and said that there's a North Park (a Korean Restaurant) nearby. No one brought car and it's another way of wasting money for a short cab trip. We decided to walk. We passed by some of the bars that I used to go to and it sadden me seeing them shut down by the government. We reached Home Depot in Ortigas, a good 10 minute walk, but we didn't see any opened restaurant. We picked on Lei since it was her who told us about North Park and she made us walk. I need to eat and the closest food haven I know is Uncle Mo's, our favorite Turkish Restaurant in the metro. I had beef kebab and pita bread, and Lei treated us iced cream. We still ended our day right. I would love to do the same thing everyday with the people whom I know are true enough to stay with me since we we're kids.

Grabbed the photo from J.O

Not everyone gets to have their photo taken.

The last photo is at uncle mo's. We're all sweating and drank.

I didn't much of with my Sunday. I had one of my worst hang over, so I decided to stay home. But still well spent just resting the whole day. 

I would love to have a longer vacation leave. I just need something to freshen up my 6 years and 6 months working life. Or maybe I need a better working environment. I don't know. It's just a maybe, don't quote me on this ;)

Depression Pt.1

I know that I am having depression. But, I am not allowed to talk about it infront of my family just because they'll immediately judge. They'll most definitely say that it was just a drama, and I'll get over it soon. I was raised from a family where a member is expected not to have any issues mentally and psychologically. For example, when someone broke your heart, you are not allowed to cry but instead immediately forget about the person and make sure to let the person that you're far better without him/her in your life. But, I wasn't like that and it made me feel different from the rest of the family. They have called me names and judgement is everyday. At times, I still get offended but at the end of the day there wasn't really any choice but to go by their judgement.

I have friends who understands me, as much as they can. But I have to keep in mind that they have life of their own and I can't spend too much of our time together ranting how much I am being drained by my depression. So when I'm with my friends, there's no room for any emotional negativity just because I don't want them to absorb any of mine.

Basically, all I have with this depression is myself. It was harder this way since I don't know where to start curing myself. I used to workout everyday, which I no longer do now just because I have so much excuses. I know workout will be one of those things that can cure me, I will get back, I know. I just need to find courage and time again. I also try put myself back to my favorite hobby, which are the dolls. But when I was just starting again, the spark is immediately loosing. There's just so much about my depression that keeps me from being the best that I want to be. I am pretty much stuck up from where I am right now. Things won't always be as hard as what I am going through right now, I believe. There's just too much fear in me on what might happened if I just let the depression took over my life. 

How 2014 Fucked Up My Life

It was a rough year for me and the people around me. I am wanting to end this year already and see what 2015 have for me, my family and people who are dear to me.
There's nothing happy about this blog which supposedly the other way around since it has been centuries from my previous post. May I consider this post as something to end all the crap I had and having and a hope to have something good in the very near future.

Early this year, my grandfather from my father's passed away. It was already expected since he was suffering from Alzheimer for more than 2 years already. It was not a happy expectation though, it was more of we are wanting him to just end all his hardship and just get a rest with our Almighty Father, forever.

I dreamed of Tatay (as how we call my grandfather. It means father.) several times after he was buried. The first 2 or 3 dreams wasn't easy for me since I very much aware that he is already dead and it's hard for me to talk to him knowing that I am possibly talking to a ghost. Well, it just felt weird. On the last dream I had of him is basically a goodbye. I was with my niece on a bus and when I turned at the seats on our back, I saw Tatay looking very young. I told him that I still don't want to talk since he is already dead and I'm scared. He said that he was just wanting to say goodbye to my niece before he leaves. From then on, I know for a fact that he's already travelling back to the arms of the Lord our God.

After my grandfather passing away, I had some depression not because of his death but of some circumstances that had gone out of my control. It was never fully resolve to be honest, but I am now learning how to deal with it and basically forget about it. One day, I may be able to share it but I just can't, for now.

Then come July, just a few days after my mom's birthday, I had witnessed, so far, the most painful event of my life. My father passed away. I never had a perfect family, my childhood was fucked up and I learned to me because of the imperfections of our family. But I am still lucky enough to know that I actually have a father. I won't lie, my daddy is probably watching me as I do this. I have hated him most of my life. I blamed him most of the time why I need to go through what I've been to become who I am now. There are so much stories which are not appropriate for the blog anymore. But when I saw him having the hardest part of his life, it seemed like he didn't do anything wrong. I have forgiven him in an instant. All I am thinking is how miserable of him for having me as a daughter who can't do anything to keep him alive. I saw him from the point that he got stroked and wanting to get up to prove everyone that he is fine, to the part that he can no longer move, when he was comatose and finally, when he slowly lost his life.

It's very hard for me to write this.
It's very hard to be reminded that I no longer have a father.

I have dreamed of my dad several times as well. He wasn't talking to me on the first 2 or 3 dreams I had of him. It felt like he was mad. The last dream I had of him is the completely opposite of the few first dreams. He was waiving at me and smiling. I am really hoping that he is happy now in heaven. I know God will take good care of him up there, and I hope he was looking his best again just like how my mom describes him when they were younger.

All I have now is a prayer that he may watch over our family, especially my nephew, niece and mom. And of course, he may find his peace wherever he may be now.
--

LILO OR STITCH?

Last Sunday, I was in the mood to do my eye make up and to save the moment, I took photos on my lunch break. One of my officemates saw me and told me that I look like Stitch because of my contact lenses. My reaction was like (_ _) ... Don't get me wrong, Stitch is cute.

Then, I told my boyfriend about what my officemate told me. He said that I don't look like Stitch, I look like Lilo. Whiter version of that little rascal. I didn't contest to anything he said, since he's my boyfriend, i rather found it sweet.

ONE DAY, I WAS JUST BORED.

OKAY. This may seem a repeat to what I blogged about my room the other time, well it is in some sort of but this time, it shows more details baby ;) To be honest, I did this when i was bored one rest day I had. The natural lighting in my room is just cellphone camera friendly that time.

 That's my doll corner.

As much as possible, I want all my dolls to be on that side of my room. But I can't help but still place some of my dolls somewhere in my room.

The table is pretty much everything.

My scare crew (the dead ones), BJD, game character dolls and basically everyone

Oh. That's my SCRUMP side of the room.

SCRUMP is my favorite character. Though, she didn't basically do anything in Lilo & Stitch.

 Didn't get a chance to properly introduce my newly adopted son.

I got myself a 3DS since my DS lite died on me. Well, it's not really mine so I'm not that affected though.

There's BEEMO, their uncle big ass gameboy and my THOR.

~

When The Weather Fucked Up

You see, Philippines was fucked up again by another storm named MARING. Our house wasn't filled up with water like Ondoy (storm last 2009) did, though but some part of the country had worst. I missed one day of work and was in fear of getting stranded when I went to work last Tuesday. I love how cool the weather can be but I just hate the feeling of getting scared whenever the rain pours heavy.

Though, there's one thing that makes me like the rain. It's whenever I get to take photos of my grandma's flowers and plants. I just love whenever they're wet from the rain, I like the little droplets of water on them, and so on. It feels refreshing.

I used my phone's camera on taking the photos because I am too lazy to edit on my laptop. I am just not in the mood right now to do those stuff right now.